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1,551 Posts
Discussion Starter #1

So there are these two horses Bob and Fred...
Bob and Fred are race horses
Fred though is past his prime
life has been good to him.
He's sired many champions
but he's no longer winning
Now Bob and Fred's owner is a shrewed man
as a horse owner would have to be
and he's concerned about keeping Fred around
He's think Fred's best purpose at this point would be to go to the glue factory
But the owner is also a sentimental man
and he thinks Fred deserves a chance to prove himself
so he decides the best thing to do would be to just have an honest
conversation with Fred
so he does. He goes down to the stable one day chewing on a toothpick
as is way way
and hes "Fred", he says. "I'm thinking about taking you to the glue factory"
And Fred says "That's understandable Sir. I know I'm past my prime,
but give me another shot. I have some wins left in me still"
The owner was expecting this and said "Aaaallrighty," (the owner is a Texan)
"Ill let you race Bob tomorrow morning"
"Thank you", says Fred. "I wont let you down. You'll see"
Now that night, Fred walks over to Bobs stall and has a heart to heart with him
he says, "Bob, your a good horse and I know you can beat me easy.
tomorrow morning we are going to race and if I don't win Mr. Sir will
take me to the glue factory
"No problem" says bob. "i have alot of respect for your accomplishment
as a race horse and you've always been good to me. I'll let you win"
At the dawn then next day Bob and Fred meet their master at the track.
It's a crisp morning and you can see the breath from the horses
nostrils hang on the air"
Bob and Fred get into the gate. The owner raises the starting gun, the
shot rings out, the gates, burst open, and Bob and Fred go tearing
down the track
They are neck and neck for the first furlong but then Bob forgets
himself, turns on the speed and breaks away. It's not even close. Fred
loses by half a furlong
Fred is winded but recovers and slowly walks up to his master.
He breighs softly and says "I cramped up, Sir. I overate this morning.
I had the mush when I should have had the oats. Gimme another chance,
The owner just shakes his head and says. " You've been a good horse
Fred. Hell you've been a great horse, but now your time is past.
You'll be going to the glue factory in the morning"
Fred is crushed, but persists. He reminds his owner of the halcyon
days of his youth when he was just a two year old.
He reminded his master of his first big race and the fame and fortune
and honor he brought to his master when his master was poor and just
trying to break into the business.
He reminds his master of how he used to carry his masters little
daughter around on his back and how gentle he was with her.
This touches the old horse trainer and he agrees to let Fred have one
more shot.
That night under a sliver of a moon, Fred and Bob speak in hushed
tones and low whinnies.
Bob apologizes to Fred for winning the race. He says. "I tried to let
you win. I really did. But I don't know what happened. I've never
tried to lose before and I just couldn't do it. I felt compelled to
win. It's in my blood, you know. I am after all a race horse."
Fred understands this, of course, as only another race horse can, but
he pleads to Bob to try again. "My life is on the line, Bob. I don't
want to be glue. You have to help me."
Bob swears on his unborn foals and phillies that in the morning Fred will win
The next morning. Fred is up before dawn.
He has light meal of oats, and warms up. He's feeling strong.
He and Bob exchange to words, but merely nod each to the other as they
enter the starting gate.
The pistol shot rings clear and they're off
True to his word, Bob is hanging back and Fred is in the lead
At the half mile marker, Bob closes the gap slightly , but Fred still
holds a commanding lead
Fred is giving it all he can. He snorting and blowing and looking
straight ahead. His lungs feel as if they'll burst. He's closing in
the finish line, when he sees a flash pass him on the inside. It's
Bob! Bob pulls ahead in the final stretch to win by half a length
Fred accepts his loss.
He knows now that his master is right. He didn't;t want to believe it
himself but now he knows for sure. He has had his day in the sun.
He walks up to this old master and thanks him for all he's done for
him. thanks him for giving him the chance. Thanks him for allowing to
prove ti himself that he is now too old. Fred thanks his master for
The master looks Fred in the eyes and nods knowingly.
after a long period of silence, the master says, "I'll take you in the
morning Fred. Graze free tonight. complete any unfinished business and
prepare yourself."

Fred walks away and moves out to the pasture.

It's a beautiful day, the sun is warm, and the flies buzz round his flanks.
He meets Bob later in the day on a green hillock.

Nobody knows what they spoke about that after noon up on the hill
under an ancient oak tree.
but each hung their heads low, their noses almost touching till the evening.
as the sun began to set they said their goodbyes and walked away.

That afternoon, however, behind the old oak, was small dog.
This dog was the only witness to Bob and Fred's equine conversation;
as Bob and Fred departed back to the stables,the dog stood up,
stretched, and said.............
"Well I'll be damned! Talking horses!"

4,617 Posts
Huh???????? I can't believe I sat here and read the WHOLE thing, almost in tears, wondering about Fred's demise......and the punch line??? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA.....

15,203 Posts
I also read this WHOLE joke and then went" What?" huh? hahhahaaa

i wanted to say" I don't get it?!" as this joke made me feel very blonde
till I saw Sue, Diane's and hmz819 and Kathie's comments! hahahaa

OK I wanna know what happened to fred!!!! did he go with Mr Ed? hahahaa
he was talking a horse :wink:

LYNN i am going to get you for this one hahhahaaaaaaaaaaa

1,411 Posts
Okay ... I felt like I did when I watched the first Lord of the Rings Movie ... That's it :?: I watched/read the whole thing and duh :?:

It's cute ... and funny ... and Lynn you had me hook, line and sinker but geesh!

1,551 Posts
Discussion Starter #8
Thanks for reading along... :)

My husband's best friend was telling him this story via IM one day...line by line...took a good hour according to my husband (they were kinda bored that day at their respective jobs, I guess...) My husband condensed it and then sent it to hit my funny bone, I just thought it was an ironic, hysterical way to end this nail-biter....anyway as I said, you're either gonna love it or hate it, but that's humor for you...sometimes it smacks you right in the face, and other times it just sneaks up behind you and whispers "boo" in your ear..... :p
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